Today I read this quote from a Peace Corps volunteer who has been in Bulgaria for a couple of years. He said “If you’re not out of your comfort zone, you’re not in the Peace Corps.” Hmmm. I’ve had so many insights since I’ve arrived in Bulgaria and most of them come from perspectives precipitated from being out of my comfort zone.
Of course the big one is language. I feel so successful when I can tell someone that “I love their garden, it’s so beautiful – many flowers and big cucumbers. I love strawberries, I eat them for breakfast with yogurt and honey.” But if I were to get on Google Translate I might say something like “Your garden is outstanding – I can see you’ve put a lot of work into it – the plants are amazingly enormous and healthy. And it’s wonderful that you are proud of not using any pesticides – that you have an organic garden.”
I’m not so great with past and future tenses yet, so I’m saying things like “Yesterday I bazaar, buy shoes.” Everyone is happy that I found some sandals to buy – my clogs just looked (and felt) too hot for these summer days!
It’s good to have a sense of humor on both sides of a conversation. There are times I ask a question and get an answer to a different question. Or vice-versa. Someone will ask me a question and I can tell by the looks on their face that my answer did not match the question. So it’s good to laugh and start over again.
Beyond language I’ve been having existential discussions in my head about communication. Even in a country (America) where I have a language and lots of habits in common with other people, I wonder if we really communicate as clearly as it seems. Don’t we all have different personal histories and don’t we have our own definition for every word we use – describing emotions, perceptions, ideas or beliefs? Sometimes any one of those can seem very real to me, yet whoever I’m talking with doesn’t “get it.” What makes something more “right” than something else? Isn’t it personal or societal perception (I’m not talking about extremes here – just everyday life). Isn’t that why we all have so many arguments or misunderstandings between ourselves – because we think A is better than B; or X is more important than Y? In another culture like Bulgaria, I’m seeing that by being out of my comfort zone of habits and belief systems that humanity is very creative in living our lives and defining our roles/rules. There are a lot of different beliefs here, yet they are just as sure about their validity as I am sure about some things I believe in that are different.
There is also a huge amount of trust required by both sides when two different cultures and languages come together. The people who I meet here have given me the benefit of the doubt that I am a good person, and I them. There has to be a certain amount of trust to move forward working together. There are spoken misunderstandings but I cannot allow myself to be easily offended. Usually the intention is not to offend. But often cultural differences can lead to misunderstandings. It’s important to be patient and to listen without judgment to give that space for understanding to emerge – as it usually does in time. Thank heavens for the people I have met, who have been patient! Here’s an example. One of my first days in town, a woman offered me a jar of canned peas. I politely said “No thank-you, I prefer peas that are fresh.” Later, with more knowledge, I realized that these were probably fresh out of this years garden (initially I thought last years) and that while I may not be so excited about them now with all the bounty from gardens available, I might be very happy to have them in January, when I may be craving anything green from a garden. I hope she did not take offense and next time I will gladly accept.
There is more to explore here, but for now let me just say….I am grateful for the discomfort of being out of my comfort zone. I’m being forced to look at things differently. As I do I am keeping an open mind but also reserve the right to hold onto those beliefs that seem “right” for me without thinking someone else “ought” to share them. And by the same token, I can see how something may be right for someone else that does not work for me. I guess that’s what we call acceptance and tolerance (where’s my English-Bulgarian dictionary?).
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